The Day I Almost Quit Counselling

What a client taught me about silence, healing and showing up

I almost quit counselling before I really began.

It was my first practical session during training. I'd studied the textbooks, memorized the theories, practiced active listening until it felt almost unnatural. I was ready. Or so I thought.

My first client was a young woman—let's call her Lisa. She sat across from me, arms wrapped around herself like she was holding herself together. And then she said nothing.

For five minutes, silence.

For ten minutes, silence.

I felt my heart race. Say something. Ask a question. Prove you know what you're doing. Every instinct screamed at me to fill the space, to rescue her from the quiet, to show her I was competent.

I opened my mouth—

And then I remembered something my supervisor had said: "Sometimes the most healing thing you can offer is your willingness to sit in the dark with someone."

So I closed my mouth. And I stayed.

The Gift of Silence

Twenty minutes passed. Lisa hadn't spoken a word. But something shifted in the room. Her shoulders dropped slightly. Her breathing slowed. She wasn't talking, but she was settling—like she'd finally found a place where she didn't have to perform, explain, or defend.

At the end of the session, she looked at me and said five words I'll never forget:

"Thank you for not fixing me."

I almost laughed. I'd done nothing. I hadn't asked brilliant questions. I hadn't offered insights. I'd just... stayed.

But here's what I learned that day: Staying is doing.

What Silence Taught Me About Healing

We live in a world that wants us to fix things quickly. Pop a pill. Read a self-help book. "Just think positive." "Just move on." "Just let it go."

But healing doesn't work that way.

Healing happens when someone lets you be exactly where you are—without rushing you toward where you "should" be.

Lisa taught me that my job isn't to have answers. It's to create space for her answers to emerge. It's to trust that the wisdom is already inside her—and that my presence, my steadiness, my willingness to sit in the dark with her—helps that wisdom surface.

The Question That Changed Everything

After that session, I asked myself a hard question:

Am I doing this to feel competent—or to genuinely serve?

If I needed to feel like the expert, the fixer, the one with all the answers—I was in the wrong profession. Counselling isn't about me.

But if I could show up, be present, and trust the process—even when it felt uncomfortable, even when I didn't know what to say—then maybe I could actually help.

I chose the second path.

What This Means for You

If you're reading this, you might be sitting in your own kind of silence right now.

Maybe you don't know what to say about what you're feeling. Maybe the words won't come. Maybe you're afraid that if you start talking, you won't be able to stop—or worse, that no one will really understand.

Here's what I want you to know:

You don't need to have the right words. You don't need to be "ready." You don't need to be anything other than exactly what you are right now.

Healing doesn't require you to perform. It just requires you to show up—and let someone show up for you.

Your Turn

If you've been sitting in your own silence, wondering if anyone could really hold space for you—wondering if you'd be "too much" or "not enough"—I'd be honored to sit with you.

No fixing. No rushing. Just presence.

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